Tying a knot

Today I'm tying a knot in my rope and trying to hang on. I don't think I've complained too much but I've kind of had it. Last night was a terrible night I cramped and contracted through a lot of it. My hips were aching, I went potty a gajillion times. Today I got up and somehow found the energy to shower and shave my legs, yet again. Cause that's what you do when you're 9 months pregnant( or 3 days from 9 months pregnant). You just know that it's your luck that the day you choose to not shower and shave you will go into labor with greasy hair and hairy legs. Some may say who cares? Sadly, I care. Labor is already not pretty, let's not add stench to it. I want to give my nurse at least a semi decent first impression of me before I am sick and crying and sweaty and who knows what else. I am however boycotting the make-up today, so maybe that little rebellion in itself will send me into labor in my au natural state.

I called Rand for some moral support. His suggestion not surprisingly, was "movie day!" It's just so nice out that I feel like I should be outside with the girls to get some sun and exercise while we can. The girls bedroom looks like a bomb went off in it and I don't have the energy to pick it up. I bathed both girls this morning against my will and that made me even more tired. Now I don't even know where they wandered off naked. I guess I should go get them dressed and make me a snack of "whine and cheese".

Baby, come out!

What a difference a day makes. I am ready, baby, come out! I am not miserable but just want to move forward. It's inevitable that within a day or 10 she would be out anyway so why not just come out now? Yesterday I had "Tony Braxton hips" as Randall calls them for hours. They were worse with activity even, so I let myself dare to think maybe labor could in fact happen. I even awakened in the night with a few strong ones and thought maybe it was happening. This morning...nothing. I have never gone into labor on my own. Granted I haven't given myself much chance either. After Ethan being so big we opted to have the girls induced a little early to avoid such large baby trauma. This time I was hoping for a different outcome. I read the hypnobirthing book and for some time practiced often. But...as time went on the thought of hypnobirthing was freaking me out more than anything else and I figured it was doing more harm than good. I still wanted to go on my own though and just see what happened. At this point while that would still be ideal, I don't really care that much. I went to the chiropractor today and told him to please work some magic but nothing so far. I almost wish that I weren't have the braxton hicks so often. It makes me hopeful and think maybe just maybe something is happening and maybe tonight I'll have me a sweet chubby baby? Probably not though. Rand asked me if he should work from home today just in case, but I told him that would be like waiting for what's the saying "a watched pot never boils". I figured a watched wife never labors, so I sent him off to work. Good thing too since nothing is happening.

I'm trying to visualize it happening but I'm not very good at that sort of thing. I guess for now I'll just try to be patient and go take a nap. Something that I won't be doing much of when she does finally arrive.

1 week pre due date

That's right just one week until my due date. Wether I will have a baby by then or not is still to be determined. It's not looking like Miss Jane is anxious to join our family. At my OB appointment this week the doc told me I had made no progress at all and that he would just see me next week. I wasn't too upset because I haven't been overly anxious for her arrival. Again, not because I don't want her to come I just know how hard having a newborn can be. Sure, I'm not overly comfortable and the pregnant jokes and comments are becoming just a tad old but it's all good.

Our camera died last week during spring break, of course. Who doesn't want to spend hundreds of dollars on a camera just after buying a car seat, diapers, clothes etc to get ready for a new baby? I guess I could use a disposable camera for a while or borrow one, but come on who wants to mess with one of those and miss those first special moments. Babies change so quickly that you have to capture them everyday in the beginning. When I got home and charged the battery and was learning how to use the camera I was more excited for Jane's arrival than I have been so far. I could just picture scrolling through the pictures of her first moments of life. Very exciting if you ask me. Who will she look like? Will she have dark or blonde hair? A Wilson or Barrett? When Kate made her debut she looked just like Ethan did when he was born. Not so much anymore. Our kids don't look a like to me which I think is interesting. Some people's kids all look just a like. It guess it's fun to have the variety.

I think other than wanting a healthy baby I wonder and worry about her temperment. I have had a "normal" baby, a great baby, and a very challenging baby. I think that's why I'm not in a huge rush to have her come yet. I don't have infant amnesia. I remember how difficult it was to have Anna cry all day and all night for basically forever. Did I mention she didn't sleep through the night once until she was about 23 months? I think part of me is afraid to go through all that again. I bought a baby sling, and hope that fussy or not that having her close to me and having my hands free will be good for both of us.

I have had my moments, but on the whole have felt well and upbeat. Today isn't quite that way. I'm feeling emotional about everything and anything. I am trying to tell myself it's hormones. Just as much as I want to meet our new daughter I'm also anxious to have my body back to myself and feel a tad more in control of things. I have never been so heavy in my life and that is "weighing" me down. I have a hard time remembering that there was ever a time that I felt "fit". Before I was pregnant I was running 6 miles. Now I'm winded climbing the stairs. The other day I had to carry a sleeping Kate up to her room and I thought I would die.

I am trying to enjoy these last pregnancy moments. The kicks, stretches, pushes and pains. There's a good chance I may never be pregnant again, and while that thought brings some relief and joy I can't help but admit that once that baby comes out of my belly I miss them for just a little while. I remember each time showering after the birth of a baby and looking down to this large but gooshy spot in my tummy that was just hours before a home, that grew and nurtured a life and spirit inside of me. It is an emotional thing knowing that little body is no longer a part of me. That now I have to share her with the world.

Spring break almost over :)

This week has been a busy one. I am glad that I have felt well and had the energy needed to do the things we've had planned. Monday We spent the morning at the library with story time, picking out lots o' new books and a few new movies. The kids insisted that we stop on the way to the car at the park. It was freezing and I didn't think we would last 5 minutes but they braved it for a while. After "quiet time" We went met up with some cousins at "Jump on it". The kids had a good time and I figured after a weekend inside with conference and snowy weather it was time to get some wiggles out.

Tuesday we spent the morning at the bean museum and then headed over to Carl's Jr. for some lunch and the giant germ infested play place. Actually if I had to choose a place with a "clean" play area this one isn't too bad. The kids played until they were sweaty and the we went home for some "quiet time". That afternoon they were bored and so we went over to their favorite place (not!) Roberts craft to get supplies to make baby shower invitations for a friend's baby. That night I was lucky enough to go out to dinner with a friend and a few errands to get a break from the kids. :)

Wednesday I had two Dr.'s appointments in the morning and errands that needed to be done so Rand was nice enough to take the day off so I could get that all done sans kids. While I was gone Rand took the kids swimming at our pool and then in the afternoon we went to Pirate Island. The kids have been wanting to do that for some time now. Personally the atmosphere was cool but the arcade was a disapointment. Too small and the games were not for smaller kids. Ethan had a great time but the other two were disappointed. I think for now we will stick with Chuck E. Cheese. Then we spent an hour or so at a park hoping to wear the kids out.

Today we, meaning my kids a nephew,a neighborhood friend, and my Mom went up to Thanksgiving point to the dino museum. The kids had a great time. Then we had a picnic lunch in the SUNSHINE. Can you believe it? The sun is showing it's lovely face today and it's fabulous. We are now at home resting and the kids are already asking what we have planned for tomorrow. If it were up to me, and I'm thinking it is, my answer would be "absolutely nothing!"

( my camera is on the blitz, otherwise I actually would have posted pictures this time :)

not feelin' it

I know I should be posting pictures of our Easter happenings and all of that fun stuff, but I'm just not feeling it. This week has been busy with Spring break activities. Sadly all those activities this far have been indoor thanks to the lovely winter weather we have had. I'm glad to be busy this week to help take my mind off the fact that in a matter of 2 weeks or less, especially depending on my blood pressure, whether we will have our little Jane. It's hard to believe really. I think when it's your 4th child you are so consumed in normal everyday life and your other children that the pregnancy is one of the last things you have time to focus on. In fact I've even been a tad concerned the baby will come and I will not feel that bond immediately thinking, where did you come from and how did you get here?

The clothes are washed and the crib is fixed and set up. I even finally bought some diapers so I guess we're ready? My heart burn seems to be worse everyday and my sleep sporadic so I think I'm ready. In our ward there are 20 or more pregnant women due between now and September. Today the first of the group had her baby and there is just 1 other girl due before more so I am hoping the momentum has started and will just keep rolling. We shall soon see!